In The Eye of The Beholder

Writing Taunts – Are you as comfortable in front of a camera as behind one? Being written about, as well as writing?
Photographers, artists, poets: show us DISCOMFORT.

As a child, a middle-kid, told often that I was “ugly,” there were not many photographs of me – I was not in front of the camera growing up. When I became an adult, I loved photography and was behind the lens, photographing places and things until my focus switched when my husband and I began a family, then it was all about the children. I was the designated still-photographer while my husband manned the big, bulky video camera.

One Christmas season, we were all dressed for dinner, I insisted that the boys wore their suits, I felt it was important for them to understand the significance of special occasions. I too dressed up, after the messy part of cooking was finished.

After dinner, presents and a few glasses of wine, the boys safely playing with their toys, my husband encouraged me to be the subject of a few photos.

Now that I am old, I am glad that he insisted. When I look back at the photos he took of me, I remember the insecurities, the feelings of being ugly and hiding behind mascara and lipstick. I remember feeling as though no one “knew” that I was really ugly, if I washed off the mascara and the lipstick, they would see what my mother saw – ugliness. I hated for my husband to see me without eyeliner and mascara.

So much importance was lent to external beauty by my mother. Now that I look back and see that I was not ugly, I was even somewhat pleasant to look at, I am baffled at what made her, my mother, the way she was with me.

When I look at the photo below, I close my eyes and hug myself, remembering that beauty of spirit is to be prized more than physical beauty which will wither.




2 responses to “In The Eye of The Beholder

  1. You are beautiful!!!!

    Liked by 1 person

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