Memorarium – I know I spelled it wrong but that is how I remembered hearing the name of a favorite Catholic prayer. Oh, I knew the prayer, memorized it when I was a youngster, but I always said the name wrong and that wrong memory caused a problem a few years ago. It actually caused a friend of mine to dislike me and because she thought I lied when I told another person on facebook that the Memoraire (the proper name of the prayer, oops, no it is not! The proper spelling and pronunciation is Memorare.) Anyway, it was my favorite prayer and I had prayed it daily when my son was in active duty.
My friend saw my claim and accused me of lying, reminding me that SHE taught me the prayer just a year or so ago. She also accused me of trying to impress people on Facebook. I denied her accusations angrily because it aroused the fears and feelings I endured while my son was engaged in war. How dare anyone call me a liar when I merely reported how I handled a mother’s fear for her son – through prayer.
She also was angry at me for not being there for her when her brother died the same time I was going through my mastectomies. I phoned her as soon as I had a lucid moment between pain pills. She was unavailable at her job so I left a light-hearted message, letting her know that I survived the bi-lateral mastectomy. Her e-mail reply was cold. When I pressured her as to what was wrong and why did she unfriend me on facebook, she explained that her brother died and that I should have told her when my surgery was going to be… and that she “needed” me during the time of her loss.
Even though I was taking pain pills, I was aware if and when the phone rang – no one called. Those close to me, knew to not disturb me. She didn’t know to not phone me, she didn’t know of my surgery date. So, if she really had needed my company, she could have phoned me – I’m always home and she knows that.
She added me back to her friend’s list but the coldness remained evident and her sharp wit had a way of cutting deeply. I eventually unfriended her and moved on, as I have done with others who are not true friends or honest family.
Today, a mutual friend on facebook informed me of the passing of my ex-friend’s mother over the weekend. I wrote back to the mutual friend, offering my condolences and the promise of saying a few prayers for both, my ex-friend and her mother.
We may have outgrown each other but my heart mourns for anyone who loses a loved one and my soft-heartedness wishes I could have been there to offer my support. I know very well about losing loved ones. I sometimes think that having been widowed at 33 years old, I have a tougher skin than others when it comes to recovering from grief. I had to move forward when my husband died, I had children who needed and depended upon me.
Death is no friend of mine, but sometimes, especially with the elderly or the suffering, it can be a welcome visitor to end unbearable pain.
R.I.P. Mrs. “O”