My colonoscopy was scheduled for today, Friday the 13th, another Friday the 13th in my year of 13’s. So many occasions have taken place on a “13” this year, especially, beginning with my main surgery, the bilateral mastectomy on August 13th, the same “13” that recalls the anniversary of an horrific car wreck I survived back in ’96. But, I digress.
I did not remember my one and only previous colonoscopy being painful in any way, of course, that was more than ten years and 50 pounds ago. I was not anticipating any pain other than hearing the news that I had colon cancer. I was certain that I knew the diagnosis would be a bad one. I knew that after a lifetime of colon problems, this was it, this was where those other cancer cells would take root. After all, any physician I have seen, other than my oncologist, have said that even though they removed the breast cancer, there are thousands of other cancer cells in my body just waiting to take root somewhere. I liken these cancer cells to a grubby thief, whittling away at my life piece by piece, organ by organ.
As I was roused out of unconsciousness, back in my little room, I screamed the “f” word loudly as my brain responded to the most god-awful hip pain I have ever experienced, except maybe during childbirth of children over 9 pounds. I tried to shift my position to relieve the pain and found a position which lent less pain, not ‘no’ pain, but less pain.
The doctor came to my room to give me the news… nothing was found, no polyps, no cancer, nothing except two minuscule areas of diverticulitis and some small hemorrhoids. Her advice was to eat more fiber.
“Surely they missed something,” my thoughts continued, “this pain in my right side that has lasted for years is indicative of something!”
I told the doctor about the incredible pain, she suggested that I see an OB/GYN since that is the other type of “plumbing” in that abdominal area. Gheez! I’ll fit that right in, right in between my plastic surgeon visit that I am more than a month behind on with following up after my last ‘fill’, and my EKG and sleep study and Onocologist visit and…
Maybe it’s just sciatic pain from the herniated disc in that area which happened during the car wreck back in ’96, remember, that August 13 anniversary? I think that before I start assuming that it’s something major, I just might pay a visit to our Chiropractor. That’s only a $35 visit for an adjustment and it will be easy to see if that fixes my problem. Besides, I don’t have those “other lady parts” anymore, one ovary and my cervix were removed back in ’91 due to “suspicious pre-cancer cells”, I haven’t been for a pap smear since then because I didn’t think it was necessary since I no longer had a cervix. Hmmm… maybe I should see an OB/GYN just to make sure that that one remaining ovary doesn’t have a cyst or something. Yeah, after I’m finished with all of my cardiologist appointments, one thing at a time.