I have been married for 18 years and am nearing my wit’s end. My husband is a slob! When we were first married, he was neat, even washed and ironed his own clothes but recently, we moved to another state and he started a new job. He has become a pig! He leaves three to five jackets thrown on the dining room table rather than hanging them in the hall closet, his shoes sit upon a chair in the dining room, his place at the table looks like a bunch of little kids were eating in that area, the patio is full of empty pop cans, and a steel bucket is over-flowing with cigarette butts. I cannot clean up after him right now because of health restrictions. Is there any hope in changing this man or am I forever hopelessly married to Pigman?
Dear Mrs. Piggy:
First, let me congratulate you on eighteen years of marriage, you both have obviously learned through those years that a successful marriage is a balancing act, a constant work of give-and-take that leaves both parties feeling respected and loved. Now, on to your question, if your husband acquired these bad habits after your family relocated to another state, my first instinct would be that these bad habits are a manifestation of depression as a result.Have you talked with him about how he feels about the move and his new job? Does he regret these changes? Are those the only changes that have occurred or have you made any changes to your behavior?
You mentioned that you are having health problems, have you talked with him about your health issues and addressed any fears he may have? If he does not express his feelings to you, I would encourage both of you to seek counseling, if he does not agree to seek counselling, then go by yourself. A good therapist can help one work through situations that seem hopeless, even if one is married to Pigman.